Humor • Rozrywka • Dowcipy Ciekawostki • Satyra • Skandale • Polski portal satyryczny  humor   newsy   kontakt do Sadurski.com
dowcip,dowcipy,humor,sms,polski,polskie,gry,flash,galeria rysunku,rysunki,rysunek satyryczny,serwis
Dziś jest poniedziałek, 01. maja 2017 r.
szukaj:
  w:
Dodaj do Ulubionych!
Pół miliona wizyt co miesiąc :-) Codziennie nowości - satyryk Szczepan Sadurski zaprasza.
Polonia. Podróże. Rozrywka.


Welcome in best jokes world. Search for jokes or browse by category!

 

Aardvark jokes
Accountant jokes
Animal jokes
Answer me this jokes
Ant jokes
Apple jokes
Aviation jokes
Baby jokes
Banana jokes
Bar jokes, beer, booze
Barbie doll jokes
Bath jokes
Beauty jokes
Bed jokes
Bicycle jokes
Biologist jokes
Bird jokes
Birthday jokes
Blind jokes
Blonde jokes
Body Parts jokes
Book title jokes
Brother and sister jokes
Burger jokes
Bus jokes
Business jokes
Cannibal jokes
Car and train jokes
Cat jokes
Children jokes
Christmas jokes
College jokes
Computer jokes
Cow jokes
Cowboy jokes
Criminal jokes
Criticism jokes
Dance jokes
Dead and dying jokes
Dentist jokes
Dinosaur jokes
Dirty jokes
Divorce jokes
Doctor and nurse jokes
Dog jokes
E-mail jokes
Easter jokes
Elephant jokes
Ethnic jokes
Face jokes
Farmer jokes
Firefighter jokes
Fishing jokes
Food jokes
Frog jokes
Funny jokes - best 50
Gender Slam jokes
Ghost jokes
Gorilla jokes
Hair and bald jokes
Halloween jokes
Heaven and hell jokes
History jokes
Horse jokes
Humor jokes
Hunting jokes
Idiot and fool jokes
Insect jokes
Internet jokes
Journalist jokes
Judge jokes
King Kong jokes
Knock Knock jokes
Lawyer jokes
Letter jokes
Marriage jokes
Men jokes
Mental health jokes
Military jokes
Miscellaneouss jokes
Money jokes
Monster jokes
Mouse jokes
Movie and TV jokes
Music jokes
Occasions jokes
Old age jokes
Parent jokes
Pig jokes
Police jokes
Political jokes
Puns jokes
Rabbit jokes
Redneck jokes
RelationShips jokes
Religious jokes
Restaurant jokes
Rude jokes
Salesmen jokes
School jokes
Sex jokes
Snake jokes
Snowman jokes
Space jokes
Spelling jokes
Sport jokes
Teeth jokes
Telephone jokes
The Elderly jokes
Time jokes
Travel and tourist jokes
Vampire jokes
Waiter jokes
Weather jokes
Witch jokes
Women jokes
Yo momma jokes
Zodiac jokes
Zoo jokes
Jokes in database: 12257
Random joke / Most popular / Top jokes
You are here: Jokes / Occasions jokes / Santa, we're worried about you
Find a joke:

Santa, we're worried about you
Dear Santa: We're worried about you.

From your rosy red cheeks to your legendary girth to your all-night sleigh ride around the world, you may be at risk for diseases, maladies, mishaps and lawsuits that send chills through our Santa-loving hearts. The latest warning comes from the National Rosacea Society in Barrington, Ill.

Dermatologist Dr. Jerome Litt says you have "a clear-cut case of rosacea," a skin condition that also affects millions of Americans, particularly at middle age. Unable to examine you personally, the good doctor based his finding on a well-circulated report that your "cheeks were like roses, (your) nose like a cherry."

Sadly, many observers conclude that red-skin condition comes from hitting the Christmas-punch bowl a little too hard. Sadder still, rosacea can be aggravated by holiday stress, hot chocolate and overexertion -- all things you may encounter this time of year. The one bright note in Litt's message is that certain antibiotics can help, and he advises you to see a North Pole dermatologist. But the news about you facial tint is only our latest source of concern.

A careful examination of what we know about you and your lifestyle raises a host of other trouble signs:

OBESITY: Frankly, Santa, this may be your biggest area of concern. Studies show overweight men have more than double the normal risk of heart attacks and increased chances of many other diseases. We've seen the pictures; we've noticed you in the malls. And we've heard that your tummy shakes "like a bowlful of jelly" when you chuckle. On this,
we'll take part of the blame. All these years, we've set out milk and cookies on Christmas Eve. With 102 million homes in the U.S. alone, even if 1 in 100 homes put out two cookies and a cup of milk, that would make and overnight snack of 2 million cookies and 63,750 gallons of milk. Maybe it's time for Mrs. Claus to get you a NordicTrack or a Thighmaster. But be sure to have the old ticker checked out before you
start an exercise regimen.

PIPE SMOKING: You've been pictured with a pipe, and even though an apologist in The New York Times once claimed it's only a prop, a witness who encountered you in his home said "the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath." According to the Fred Hutchinson Cancer Research Center, pipe and cigar smokers have twice a nonsmoker's risk for lung cancer, four times the risk for larynx cancer and two to three times the risk for cancers of the mouth and esophagus. Even if the pipe's just a prop, it might be a good idea to lose it. Remember, you're not just a saint, you're a role model.

STRESS: Dealing with Christmas wishes from millions of kiddies could certainly put one on the emotionsl hot seat. And anxiety can surpass even smoking as a risk for certain heart problems. On this point, though, we have some good news: A medical news service says laughter -- as evidenced by your trademark "Ho, ho, ho" -- is one of the best stress-busters.

SOOT: We admire your ability to slip up and down the average chimney, an opening about 12 inches by 16 inches. But creosote flakes on the chimney walls are toxic and can lead to respiratory problems. Brent Rigby of Emerald City Chimney Sweeps in Kirkland said his people never actually go into a chimney, and wear protective masks when they reach up through the fireplace to vacuum the soot.

RSI (REPETITIVE STRAIN INJURY): Cards and letters by the bagful arrive on your doorstep through regular mail, but this year we've noticed you're also receiving -- and answering -- e-mail on at least four Internet addresses, including one based in Seattle, santa@cyberspace.com.

We applaud your move onto the information superhighway, with this caution: too much keyboard work can result in painful injuries to the hands, wrists and arms.

DEER MITES: Close, continuous contact with your trusty reindeer means if they get mites, so might you, says Dr. David DuClos, a veterinary dermatologist in Lynnwood. Watch out for itchy rashes, and keep the deer out of your bed.

FROSTBITE, HYPOTHERMIA: You usually bundle up, and that's good. A Weather Service satelilite recently showed the temperature at the North Pole was 13 below zero, and high winds are common. Exposure to such conditions can cause frostbite in minutes.

MALL THUGS: You spend a lot of time in shopping malls, so you already know things are getting a little tough out there. Try not to walk back to your sleigh at night alone.

MEMORY TROUBLE: It's been said that you make a list, then check it twice. Just being careful, or developing a little memory problem?

SAD (SEASONAL AFFECTIVE DISORDER): This time of year, there is virtually no daylight at the North Pole, and a lack of sunlight can trigger depression in some people. Maybe a full-spectrum light would help keep you jolly.

VIRAL INFECTIONS: A young witness saw you kissing Mommy underneath the mistletoe last night. You know this is colds and flu season, don't you?

SLEIGH ACCIDENTS: We've seen plenty of pictures of you in that sleigh, but never with a seat belt, and we'd sure hate to see you get hurt. By the way, when you cruise through Seattle this year, be sure to cover the load.

JET LAG: Fatigue, dizziness and insomnia are all dangers that travelers face when they cross through several times zones. And few travelers cross all 24 of them in a night, like you do.

SKYJACKERS: OK, you've been lucky so far, but they're out there.

Knowing all the dangers you face makes us feel that much more fortunate that you're still faithfully delivering the goodies to good boys and girls every Christmas.

But you might want to try to reduce some of those risks before your insurance company decides to boost your rates. Which reminds us: You DO have insurance, don't you?
Views: 570
Rate: 0.0/5
Rate: 0.00/5   Number of votes: 0
Send / Report an Error / Free jokes

Random jokes:
Martha Stewart Holiday Calendar Martha Stewart Holiday Calendar
December 1 Blanch carcass from Thanksgiving turkey. Apply gold leaf, turn upside down and use as a ...
Category: Occasions jokes
I'd Love To But...(Pt III) I'd Love To But...(Pt III)
More goofy excuses you can use to get out of going somewhere you just don't wanna go to. I'D LOVE...
Category: Occasions jokes
Christmas and a day at the office? Christmas and a day at the office?
Q: Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? A: You do all the work and the fat guy with th...
Category: Occasions jokes
Halloween Funnies! Halloween Funnies!
Halloween Funnies: What do Skeletons say before eating? Bone Appetite. What do blondes and Ja...
Category: Occasions jokes
Office X-mas Party! Office X-mas Party!
December 1st TO: ALL EMPLOYEES I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take ...
Category: Occasions jokes
*Humor
Links Good Humor Party< Good Humor Party
 

Dzień Dobry Humor
Ha-hasła o sprayowaniu
• Co się gapisz? Weź farbę i coś napisz!

• Już wyrosłem z pisania po murach.

• 1, 2, 3 - próba spray'a.

• Heroina ...
przeczytaj cały »


Rysowanie karykatur




Translate this page:








 Nowe humory
Co jest na fladze Mozambiku, jaka odległość do środka Ziemi...
Największy ziemniak świata
Gdzie jest zabroniona Coca-Cola, pierwsze piwo w puszce...
Nastolatek Fidel Castro, mandatowy rekordzista...
Alaska. Oryginalny żart primaaprilisowy
 Nowe newsy
Karykaturzyści ponownie nalecą na Korfantów.
Michał Graczyk - wystawa w Białej
Wrzuć na luz 2017
Białystok. Rysunkowa rewolucja
Załóż domenę na Antarktydzie
Konkurs rysunku satyrycznego w Kolumbii
Starożytni astronauci - konkurs
Komiksowa wystawa w Wałbrzychu
Konkurs - Manufaktura Satyry 2017
Cztery pory karykatury 2017
FABRYKA HUMORU
Wpisz imię lub nazwisko i wybierz płeć:
 
 Nowa satyra
Grunt to rodzinka
Fraszki o kobietach
Limeryki i rymowanki
Czego nie wiem
Satyryczne podsumowanie marca 2016
Fraszki: Kameleon, Hasło nieudaczników...
 Losowe obrazki
Kot  i lustro Pomyłka premiera w PIT PDH w Tarnowskich Górach
Kierowca walca Putin - wielki polityk Dobra niczym wino
 Losowe filmy
Ewa Sonnet - RNB
Zabawy studentów
Limahl - Neverending Story
Hong Kong
Dowcipy o policjantach
Janusz Palikot - rysunki
Super bryki
Ręczne Tetris
 Losowe dowcipy
Lewa głowa większa
Ja zapłacę
Łapicki i zakupy
Euro po 2 złote
Idziemy się pokochać?
Pilot samolotu i pierdut
 Podróże po świecie
Denver, Colorado, USA
Miasto Detroit, USA
Time Warner Center, Nowy Jork
South Street Seaport, Nowy Jork
Lower Manhattan
Atlas w Nowym Jorku
 
Śmieszne filmy
Humor Joe Monstera
Domowe sposoby
Centrum Twojego pupila
Sadurski.com / kontakt / reklama / dla mediów / biznes oferty / patronat / współpraca / partnerzy